How to See Who Your Boyfriend is Messaging on Facebook

How to See Who Your Boyfriend is Messaging on Facebook

The most exciting aspects of relationships are love, jealousy, and drama. You might even want to reconsider if you don’t have some drama once in a while. So you don’t have to feel bad for suspecting your boyfriend or being scared he’s seeing someone when he spends too much time messaging someone on Facebook.

Maybe you’ve noticed this for a while and tried figuring out who it is without success. So you’ve now come online to try and find any method you can use to fish out who’s been spending time with your bf online.

There is no direct way to do this unless you want to do something illegal – like installing a spy app to check what he’s doing on his phone. But that does make you look desperate and means you don’t have any respect for your boyfriend’s privacy.

To aid your heroic feminine task, we have compiled an honest list of ten possible tricks and hacks you can employ. Some of them can work on their own and don’t need you prying, while others will require you to assume the skills of top-level FBI agents. Sounds exciting? Let’s get on with it!

How to See Who Your Boyfriend is Messaging on Facebook

1. Compare His New Account’s Friends List to His Old Account

One thing’s for sure, if your boyfriend is constantly chatting with someone else on FB and it’s not you, you’ll feel the impact.

Maybe you’ve noticed for a while that his attention span doesn’t last for long, or he recently changed from the chatty type to taking too long to reply to you while he’s still online. The good news is that you might be able to figure out what is going on with a little trick on FB.

If you chat with someone well enough on FB, they are the first person to cross your mind when you get banned and open a new account. Although Facebook will recommend new friends, there is a high chance that your boyfriend will add the suspect among the first ten people when he opens a new account.

So, the trick is to get him to ditch his old account and force him to create a new one. Then once he’s done creating it, you can pay attention to his new friend’s list and see the most important people to him. 

The steps are simple as long as you don’t mind getting his account banned from Facebook. You can follow the instructions below to try this clever trick on him:

1. Make up to 5 FB accounts or bring your friends to help report him

2. Facebook will ban the account due to multiple reports

3. Once he makes a new account, keep a tab of his friend’s list.

4. Check his old account’s friend list and note and compare it to the new girls in the new account

5. If you don’t know them and he’s that quick to add them back, you can add them to your suspect list

6. Directly ask about or mention that specific friend on Instagram, and he might confess

Don’t go through with the last step if you’re not sure of your findings yet. You can try some of the other methods here to confirm your suspicion.

If you ask too early, you might not be able to ask about the real girl if you eventually find her because you won’t want to seem too jealous and desperate. So calmly do your research, not your findings, before making any move to confront your boyfriend.

2. Look At Their Suggested Friends

The Facebook algorithm picks up much information, even more than you can imagine in some scenarios. For example, Facebook can figure out where you live by narrowing down to where your device location is between the hours of midnight to the following day.

So you can get friend suggestions from this approach (yes – that’s one of the reasons it’s so accurate at recommending people you might know).

Now, let’s apply this knowledge to the current situation. Facebook also notices patterns in messaging between different users. So if your boyfriend chats with someone else for a long time, it makes a connection that the two are close friends, possibly adding her to the suggestion list.

The reason is that since your boyfriend is your friend on Facebook and he regularly chats with another person, you might know her too as a friend with your BF on Facebook.

So, there is an easy method you can use to find out who he spends much time with on Facebook.

How to Use Suggested Friends to See Who Your BF Messages

1. Create a dummy Facebook account

2. Make sure there is nothing on it (don’t sync your phone’s contact or your messenger chats either)

3. Search him on the new account (avoid searching anyone else)

4. Add him to your new messenger

5. Check his suggested friends on messenger

There’s a high chance the people on this list are the top users he chats with. However, please note that this is not 100% accurate because your boyfriend could be chatting with none of the people in the suggestion list (Facebook uses many other things to suggest).

Still, you can keep note of the girl (or guy) you see with this method and use other tricks in this guide to confirm.

3. Check If Who You’re Suspecting is Always Liking or Commenting on Their Post

The sixth human sense is intuition. That tiny voice tells you what to do, even though your brain can’t figure out what’s happening. This tiny voice is a reflection of your subconscious mind, and when it tells you to suspect someone, it has made some connections that escaped your notice.

So please keep track of his Facebook activities, and note anyone who seems consistently interested in his posts. Chances are, she is the one he’s been messaging.

Because girls don’t just like and comment on a random guy’s posts unless she likes him or already has a close relationship with him. Also, keep an eye out for what type of reactions and comments she drops.

This extra attention to likes and comments is where it gets interesting. Facebook has different reactions to a post; you can like, love, laugh, cry or hate a post.

So if she likes the posts, it might be a random coincidence. But if she uses love reactions on his post, you can use this to back up your theory.

Ditto, if she uses comment suggestions provided by Facebook, she likely is just another random Facebook friend your boyfriend has. For example, comments like Congrats, Awesome, Cool, Weldone, Great, etc., are often suggested by Facebook, and they fill up almost every comment section on FB.

You can concern yourself if the comment denotes something more intimate or details information you don’t believe a random Facebook friend should know about your boyfriend.

4. Make A Fake Account and Pose As Someone Else to See If He Folds

This part of the top-level spy journey is where you get to flex your muscles and show your spy skills. If you’re not sure you can ultimately convince your boyfriend he’s chatting with someone else, you can hire someone to help you.

Many people are offering this service on Facebook, and you can request one of your friends to help you do it.

The trick is to pose as someone else by creating a new account and using someone else’s picture. Then, you can add your bf on Facebook and start chatting with him regularly.

But don’t be too persistent, or he’ll suspect you too. Instead, chat natural and allow the conversation to flow like it’s between two strangers that just met online.

Try to flatter him and thank him for whatever information he divulges. It makes him trust you more band willing to give you more information. Once you have established a close relationship with him, you can first ask if he has a girlfriend. Of course, you know you’re the boyfriend, but he might not tell you about his fantastic girlfriend (YOU).

So, if he lies that he’s single, that adds to the stack of suspicion that he’s messaging someone else more and probably cheating on you.

But being sure your boyfriend isn’t doesn’t do this because sometimes we don’t want to reveal our relationship to strangers, and it doesn’t mean we are cheating. If he always flaunts you when you’re with him but denies you in private, harken to your sixth sense!

Try your luck and ask him, like a jealous new friend that likes him, if he has other girls he chats with on Facebook like you. He might tell you who that is with some luck and persuasion, and you can use that as a lead on your suspect list.

5. Check Who They’ve Recent Added As A Friend and Recently Followed on Instagram

It’s probably not a coincidence if your boyfriend recently followed someone on Facebook and then, a few days later, added them on Instagram too.

We get a lot of random suggestions every day and the fact that he just decided to add a strange new girl on Facebook. So if he proceeds to follow her on Instagram provides a connection, however vague it might be.

Unless you’re a celebrity or sure they will get a follow back, people don’t just follow anyone on IG. Your bf might be expecting her to follow him around, or they have built a close relationship over the days. Close enough that they now want to follow each other on IG.

The theory is that your boyfriend added the new girl on FB when they met or just suggested by Facebook. It might even be the girl who sent a friend’s request.

If they remain friends without messaging, it stays this way, and Facebook registers them as regular friends. But if they keep chatting on FB after meeting, he might proceed to add her on Instagram.

After all, IG is where all the glamours reside, so it won’t hurt to follow her and check out her beautiful pictures on the platform.

But, again, there are many other reasons your boyfriend might decide to follow a new girl on IG. So, be patient and gather additional indications before you conclude.

>6. Ask to Go on Their Phone, Then Check

Perhaps the most simple and effective approach you can take. If your bf is messaging a girl more frequently than you and you’re concerned, checking his phone behind his back might work.

But asking him to allow you to check his phone waves a big red flag, and he will also catch on to your intentions.

Even in a split second before handing over the phone, he can clear chats, hide them or lock sensitive parts of his phone so you don’t gain access.

So directly asking for his phone might not give you much information. The only reason he can let you check them freely is if he has nothing to hide and probably had no suspicious messages sent to anyone on his device.

Funny enough, if he decides to lock some parts of his phone, there’s nothing much you can do. For example, if you want to access messenger or FB to check his chats and it’s locked, you can’t ask him for the password because you have given up your true motive for asking to check his phone.

Disguising your intention might work, though. If you can catch your bf off guard, he might ignore your request and give you access to his phone. An intelligent approach is to ask for his phone under the pretense that you want to check something different.

For instance, you can say your phone’s dead, and you want to look something up online quickly. Then, if he buys your story, you can check his chats and confirm your doubts.

7. Ask Them and Have an Honest Conversation with Them

If you can reason with him, try to be honest with your concerns. Make him understand how much you love him and how much you don’t want to lose him.

Back up your discussion with an honest question about other girls he’s chatting with. If he is real, he’ll either admit not being into any of them or tell you what relationship he has.

If your boyfriend doesn’t like lying to you, you can confront him by mentioning the name of the girl you suspect. Ask him if you should be concerned that another girl is disturbing him on FB.

If you feel comfortable enough, outrightly admit that you don’t like seeing him around other girls or chatting much with them on social media. If he wants you, he will change and stop playing around with girls on FB.

8. Check His Active Status on Messenger, Then Ask If He Was Active to See If He’s Honest

Lies raise the highest suspicion and indicate when your boyfriend is seeing another girl. Think about it, what’s the point of lying when you aren’t doing anything terrible. People tend to lie to defend or shield their suspicious activities. So if your boyfriend has nothing to hide, he won’t need any lies to cover up for himself.

Now, your move should be to notice how frequent he is online. Without asking him, you can track how much time he spends on messenger without messaging you. Unless he has some business running on FB, he doesn’t have to spend long on the platform chatting if it’s not with you.

So if he spends three or more hours daily on the platform messaging someone, and that person isn’t you, you might start to get concerned. Once you notice this, you can implement the trick suggested here. After you stop chatting and see he’s still active, notice how long it takes before he logs out.

Ask him when he was last online, and see if he lies. He probably has a skeleton in his cupboard if he denies spending extra hours on the platform after you stopped chatting. Proceed to confront him about why he was active a few hours later and still lie to you. Or go ahead and try other suggestions you can find in the guide.

9. Ask to Go on Their Laptop, Then Check

Instead of outrightly asking for their phone, which won’t help your situation, you can request their laptop. Then, the suspicion from your boyfriend will be low, and you can check more freely because he won’t be locking his browser or thinking about his girlfriend opening it and checking his FB activities.

With this option, you have a higher chance of unraveling something, if there is anything at all. It works better if you incline your request for his laptop to a real need that he knows about.

For example, if your computer is slow and he knows you have an urgent assignment or task to complete, he wouldn’t think twice before lending you his own.

Also, don’t go over directly to the bus browser or social software as soon as you collect the laptop. Instead, take your time and do what you want (or open a tab to indicate you want to do it). Then you can proceed to check his FB and messenger discreetly.

But remember that this only works if he already logs in with his laptop, and you’ve probably seen him do it. Otherwise, you won’t get anything, and if you ask for his FB password, he will catch up on your motives immediately.

Also, don’t go too far away from him when you check; he’d feel comfortable allowing you to roam through his PC if he’s sure you’re nearby than when you disappear into another room.

10. Check Who They’re Chatting With on Other Apps Like Instagram

Chatting with a girl is one thing; advancing the discussion to another app as IG begs suspicions. Chatting between different platforms is a sacred art that lovers and business partners mainly master. It’s not the type of skill mere Facebook friends should be able to wield. Except, they aren’t just friends but closer than they appear.

So like you’ve been doing on FB, you can extend the search to other social apps like IG or any other one your boyfriend uses. Check for accounts he’s following, and fish out familiar ladies you found everywhere on his FB account.

If they happen to be friends on FB but are not that active, it might be because they use IG more frequently.

Please pay attention to his Instagram likes, comments, and replies. No one replies to Instagram comments that much. So if he always has a response when she comments on his posts, add her to your suspect list.

Also, notice who tags him in comments and what type of post they get tagged. For example, you might want to raise your suspicion if a girl is tagging your boyfriend on wedding or couple posts.

If you notice, he still has Tinder installed. First, remind him to delete it since he has already found his soulmate, and you aren’t leaving him anytime soon, even if he wants you to.

Next, check all his social platforms and see if he posts any ladies and what type of comments he drops on their posts. If you find them too intimate, you can mark the girl and do more research before deciding on your next move.


It is a persistent feeling of paranoia if you suspect your boyfriend might be seeing someone or messaging another girl more than you. It’s even more annoying if you have nothing you can do to help your situation. Hopefully, you have learned handy tricks from this guide to catch your BF in the act if he indeed messages another girl.

But remember to try more than one of these methods before arriving at a solid decision. It’s your relationship, and you don’t want to make unnecessary accusations, especially if your boyfriend is faithful to you.

Chances are, you will drop your suspicion by the time you subdue it through three or more of the suggestions here. But, on the other hand, if you don’t drop it, it will strengthen your suspicion and help you build your case until you can be sure or confront him about it.

David Johnson is a freelance writer with 9 years of experience writing for Techzillo and other established tech outlets like iMore. His focus and key interests are Apple and accessibility as well as consumer technology in general. Read our Editorial Guidlines and Fact Checking process.


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