WhatsApp, like many messenger apps, give you the ability to set a status for your profile. If your privacy settings permit, anyone can see your status. A status can relay a lot about you. If you like making people laugh, then thumb through this big list of funny WhatsApp statuses that you are more than welcome to take.

70 Funny WhatsApp Statuses

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we are born, and only stops when we take an exam or are in love.

My bed and I have a special relationship, we are perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together.

From the first day, their status is, ‘Hey there! I am using WhatsApp’ I know, that’s why you’re on my list.

When someone writes, ‘urgent call only’ I just don’t get it. Are you in the police or ambulance service?

I want to be one of those people who does yoga and eats berries for breakfast. But I am one of those people who stays in bed until 4pm and eats pizza.

Laughter is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing without any reason, you need medicine.

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And others I love to punch in the face.

No, it’s not the cool breeze you’re feeling, I, with my cool attitude, just walked by your house.

That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.

Whenever I have a panic attack, I take a brown paper bag and put it over my mouth… and drink all of the vodka inside. It seems to help, but I don’t remember how.

It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.

If you wear a bikini you’re showing 90% of your body. I’m so polite, I only look at the covered parts.

If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh

My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters… But if I take a single one of her dresses, suddenly “we need to talk.”

I wish falling in love had traffic lights, too. At least then I’d know when to go for it, slow down or just stop.

I’ve been diagnosed with “awesomeness.” You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught it.

There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

Sorry, I can’t hang out. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.

The police called to say one of my friends escaped from a mental hospital. Which one of you crazies got out and where should I pick you up?

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, sweets and all the junk food in the world. Why? Maybe because it has something to do with “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts.” Weird.

When I call my parents and they don’t answer, it isn’t a big deal to me. I’ll just try later. But when my parents call me and I don’t answer, they act like it’s a declaration of war.

People have become really naughty on Whatsapp…. Even married women have put their status as “AVAILABLE”!!

Its funny that Ghosts can fly, disappear or even travel anywhere but still they prefer to stay at specific haunted or abandoned places. Cowards!! Anthropophobia!

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.

Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example?
Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want, men have to sleep with whoever lets them.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Doctors finally figured out what’s wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her!

Telling your wife ‘I love you’ is wonderful, but telling her ‘No cooking today’ is music to her ears.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers in his car.

Hey you, yeah you. The one reading this. Wanna know a secret? You’re beautiful. Don’t ever give up.

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighboring table n wish you”d ordered that.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job on the road crew, but when I got home, all the signs were there

Boys think of girls just like they do with books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

When one door closes, another door should open, but if it doesn’t then go in through the window.

Sometimes, life gives you a second chance because just maybe the first time you weren’t ready.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

I changed the password to my computer to “Incorrect,” so whenever I forget my password, my computer will tell me “Your password is incorrect.”

I don’t have time to hate the people who hate me because I’m busy loving the people who love me.

I wish I had a delete button in my life. To delete some people, some memories, and some feelings.

I would like to apologize to anyone I have NOT offended. Please be patient I will get to you shortly.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.

Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear ‘cheese’ so I start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.

I’m a sweet lil’ girl, but if you make me mad, remember this: I always have a pocketful of crazy waiting to come out.

Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage

It’s funny how when I’m loud, people tell me to be quiet. But when I’m quiet, people ask me what’s wrong with me.

Whenever I have a problem, I just sing. Then I realize my voice is worse than my problem.

Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together so I’d have to see them every day.

Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.

For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.

My Prince Charming is not coming on a white horse; He’s obviously riding on a turtle somewhere really confused.

Choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.

Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.

I like dating older people because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments. Which means they’re ready for me.

My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he’s still making fun of me.

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

It’s funny how people say they miss you, but don’t even make an effort to see you or speak to you.

My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes!

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.